Comments on: One Thing You Can Do Now: #3 Be Your Own Shrink

By: Linda K

Linda K — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:42:52 +0000

And while it’s never too late, 59 seems a little old to just be figuring this out. I have also recently learned in my quest to understand myself better that not all problems need to be owned by me. So, one of my questions has had to be, “can I change this” or do I need to let it go and let someone else deal with it. Also very freeing and helpful in the stressful eating cycle.

By: Clara

Clara — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:03:27 +0000

Anne,
Another great story. Your example really brought it from a 30,000-foot level to a ground level for me. It’s overwhelming to think about trusting yourself in general. Seems like such a big task. But it helps when you bring it down to “am I happy or not with this situation?” and “what’s really important to me here?” I can think of a lot of times where I haven’t asked myself those questions because I was doing what others had prescribed for me as being “the right thing to do.” As for the other questions I need to ask myself, I’m not sure if I want a public record of them here Maybe there’s another reader out there who wants to be the guinea pig? Perhaps we can recruit someone at Friday’s WW meeting.

By: admin

admin — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:41:35 +0000

Clara, The right questions aren’t difficult ones; they simply get at the truth, which sometimes we don’t want to hear. I thought I was lucky when I first got out of college and landed a job right away. However, I was miserable. I hated the job and instead of admitting it, I gained 15 pounds in 6 months eating for “comfort.” Of course, I wasn’t really comfortable; the eating made me even more miserable.

My brother Jon (yes, the one with the pseudo-brain tumor) said to me, “If you hate your job, why don’t you quit?” I replied, “I can’t.” Jon: “Of course you can. Just tell them you’re quitting.” Me: “I cannot quit a good-paying job.” Jon: “Why not? You said you hated it.” Me: “Because I just can”t!” Jon: “No, you just won’t! And if you won’t DO something about it, don’t complain to ME. I’m sick of people complaining all the time and not DOING anything.” (Jon was nothing if not blunt.)

Actually, he was right. I complained and complained but wasn’t doing anything. Jon made me ask myself this: What really matters to me–money or personal satisfaction? What would make me happy? And the answer wasn’t that job. So I quit and it was the best decision I could have made. My mother had told me not to quit, that the job was good for my career, but if it was making me so unhappy, it wasn’t worth it.

It wasn’t all roses after that. I still had a lot of growing up to do, which means asking more hard questions. But when you hit the nail on the head, it feels great, and it teaches you to ask more right questions. Tell me what’s going on in your life, Clara. Let’s start asking questions. We can figure this out.

By: Clara

Clara — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:32:35 +0000

Hi Anne,

Thanks for the post. You’re a great storyteller!
I think one of the hardest things for me is 1) what are the right questions to ask myself? and 2) what do I do with the answers? So many people live unconsciously. I lived that way for a really long time. When I was unconscious, it was tremendously difficult to even realize grabbing chocolate (or in my case, chips!) was a clue something was wrong. Now that I’m over that hump, how do I know I’m asking the right questions to figure out what’s wrong? Scarier still (or exciting, depending on your attitude?), knowing what’s wrong is half the battle. I still have to address the problem…because I’m done buying bigger jeans.